What Is Therapeutic BDSM? Do You (Therapist) Enact a Scene With or Touch Clients?

Many people may see BDSM and immediately assume that something is sexual in nature. While it is true that much of BDSM revolves around sexual acts, the core of it is power exchange, communication, trust, and consent, which do not include sexual contact. As an ethical baseline, I will never have sexual contact with my clients. 

The goal at Grow with Flo Counseling is to help my clients process their sexual trauma. Body and relationship-based approaches to healing sexual trauma can be more effective than traditional talk therapy. Therapeutic BDSM allows clients to work in partnership with a therapist, as well as a body-based or sex professional, in order to embody these deeper levels of body and relationship-based healing of sexual trauma, in a way that a therapist and client alone can never work together, because there needs to be strict sexual boundaries between client and therapist. My role is to understand what clients need to create in a scene in order to cultivate therapeutic benefit; refer the client to an appropriately trained and vetted professional - such as a body-based professional or sexual surrogate; communicate and collaborate with that other professional; then help clients make sense of the experience after working with the other professional. 

The central themes of BDSM are power exchange, communication, trust, and consent, which do not include sexual contact

The Core Values of  BDSM

When you consider BDSM as you’ve seen it in books or movies, it can seem very off the cuff and intimidating. Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism (BDSM) are centered around consent, communication, and clarity at their core. When ‘properly’ done, both parties have responsibilities to each other and should have the opportunity to discuss:

• What you want from the experience

• What you don’t want 

• What you are willing to try (and under what circumstances) 

Communication around wants and dislikes is an ongoing part of the experience in BDSM. Safe words are encouraged, as is using them. Acting out a scene should be done only when both parties have clearly expressed their expectations. You should be able to go into the situation and leave feeling valued and heard. 

The Core of Therapeutic BDSM. 

The core of Therapeutic BDSM mirrors recreational BDSM in that consent is at the core. We emphasize appropriate practitioner training, informed consent, and accountability in this type of intervention. 

The actual content of scenes can vary greatly based on your specific needs. They often integrate power dynamics, embodied sensation, role structure, and relational attunement. These will all be discussed and negotiated ahead of time and can be valuable tools for helping you process your experiences and support your nervous system.

Therapeutic BDSM was first designed as a body-based intervention with the consideration of black women who survived physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. This framework has since grown and expanded to address a diverse group of individuals.

How Therapeutic BDSM Differs From Traditional BDSM

At Grow with Flo Counseling, I am Therapeutic BDSM Certified, which is a trademarked intervention that supports the use of BDSM principles in a controlled, consensual, nonsexual, and therapeutic setting

‘Traditional’ or ‘recreational’ BDSM may align with therapeutic BDSM in several ways. However, the defining difference between them is the education, collaboration, and intention that you find in a therapeutic setting. 

The process requires the collaboration of professionals using a tetralogical method. This team includes a kink professional, a clinician, and an educator. The goal of Therapeutic BDSM is not reenactment, but structured processing that is tailored to your needs. 

While you may find some degree of catharsis engaging in BDSM play with a play partner, you may be more likely to have a negative experience in the scene and might find yourself unable to process the experience as effectively. 

How Therapeutic BDSM Differs From Other Forms of Trauma Therapy 

It is well-documented that we store trauma in our bodies, which makes body-based or somatic therapies especially helpful for many trauma survivors. Interventions like Therapeutic BDSM or Somatic Internal Family Systems Therapy allow us to connect the physical experience and our brain, which can give clients a more effective therapeutic experience. 

One of the biggest differences in Therapeutic BDSM and other forms of therapy is the fact that I will not be present for the scene. This is something that I will help you design and facilitate ahead of time and process afterward, but I will not be present for the actual experience. 

What You Can Expect From Therapeutic BDSM Through Grow with Flo Counseling 

Once you have determined you want to pursue Therapeutic BDSM, you can expect a few things to happen. 

The first is that we will sit down and have a few sessions that may seem more like traditional therapy. During this time, we’ll talk about what calls you to this intervention and what you hope to gain from it. From there, we can begin to build a framework for your scene that meets your needs and goals. 

I will also provide referrals for vetted and skilled professionals you may pair well with. You can take the time you need to select a scene partner who makes you comfortable. When you have made your choice and completed a release of information, we will work with them to build a scene that fits into the therapeutic construct you and I have discussed. 

From here, you will work with the pro who will be with you through the session, and you can process the experience with me afterward. 

The Role of a Therapeutic BDSM Clinical Provider 

Your clinical provider should never have sexual contact with you or engage in any kind of sexual behavior with you, even in the context of your scene. Therapeutic BDSM has clearly defined roles for the providers to ensure ethical integrity and protect client safety. If your clinical provider is also suggesting they act as the kink professional or bodyworker, this is an unethical practice, and you may be better suited to pursue another provider. 

My role is to help you prepare for and debrief from the experience in a way that maximizes your therapeutic results. I will not discuss your wants or goals without your consent and a release of information. When you work with me, you are in charge. I will provide support and guidance to help you make your own path forward. 

Call Grow with Flo Counseling Today 

If you are struggling with trauma, anxiety, depression, or other mental health or mood disorders, please know that this isn’t something you have to face alone, and there are numerous interventions available that may be able to help. 

Feel free to contact Grow with Flo Counseling for a free discovery phone call to help us get more information and figure out how I can best help your mind, body, and soul.