You want to be a person that is open and understanding and compassionate to the people in your life, especially your friends and family.
You want to be a wellspring of patience and comfort to them.
But sometimes you're just fucking irritated instead. You don't have it in you, and besides, they are being an idiot and don't deserve it.
I'm using extreme language, but sometimes it doesn't feel far off.
Isn't it amazing how one day a person you know can be the most amazing person, and you love them, and another day you can't stand them? Have they really changed? Or is it just your projection of them that has?
It's hard to know because just like at a movie theater we look at the screen, our perspective, when we watch life.
However, if you are ready to stop being a slave to uncomfortable feelings you have to look at the source of these projections - your mind.
In order to stop feeling hateful you have to turn those judgments back on yourself - what you see in others might belong to you.
OK great, so now you know you hate it when so and so is seeking attention because you secretly wish you could get more attention or maybe your sister was like that growing up or you used to be like that but you've grown up now or some other narrative. Now what?
Recall an experience of when you felt most irritated/judgmental/hateful towards at a behavior of someone. Replay it in your mind in full detail - go through all the ugly, nasty thoughts you had, your emotions, how you felt in your body - try to really let yourself swim in that....admittedly kind of juicy... hatefulness.
Now recall an experience of when you did that exact behavior - or if you've really never have done that behavior, when have you wanted to. Fuck. Sometimes it sucks how much I've wanted to do something I was being so judgmental about.
Same thing, go through that experience in full detail, replay that memory movie. What were you thinking? How did you feel? What did you feel in your body?
Just doing this quick exercise can unlock some major tenderness - maybe that behavior wasn't so monstrous after all.
But if you're still stuck with it and you are ready to kick that hatefulness to the curb, let me know! We can do a free mini session where we will nip it right in the bud!