I have fought fear my whole life - I was the scaredy cat when I was little and these days it looks like background noise in my mind - is that OK? safe? Can I trust this? What if this is a mistake?
Sometimes this noise gets turned up on full blast, and the fear paralyzes me in a rush of thoughts, unable to make a decision, making me a deer in the headlights.
In those times I can be pretty harsh with my loved ones - judgmental, critical, reactive, short, avoidant, holding them to unrealistic expectations.
And then I find myself upset when they return the favor.
There's a cycle here: I know that what I dislike in others is often something I dislike in myself.
However, sometimes I hate fear, anger, and anxiety so much - the impact they have on me, my loved ones and my work - that I can't even tolerate feeling them.
When all of this starts to feel really sticky and overwhelming I start to sing H'oponopono - a Hawaiian shamanic practice of forgiveness. It is four lines, but my teacher, Melanie McGhee adds a 5th line that I like to use as well:
I'm sorry
Please forgive me
I forgive you
Thank you
I love you.
I might not feel it at first.
I might not even understand exactly how I'm using or directing the words...
but I keep singing and eventually my heart starts to melt open -
towards the feeling I was struggling with, towards the people who reflected those imperfections back at me, towards life.
Next time you are feeling stuck with someone, something, or yourself. Hold it in your mind and simply sing H'oponopono.
Journal Prompt: I want to forgive (myself/X person/life) for ______.
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